Evol

For those who haven't heard yet.. my husband Jay passed away October 8th. We were on a train from Seattle to Portland, headed for SF. I was asleep and on a different car than him, I guess he fell through, went under the train about 4:30 am that Sunday and died instantly. For more info check Jay's myspace.com/hobocore or mine, myspace.com/nappilyevrafter. The funeral service was Saturday, November 11th and it was beautiful. Thanks everybody for coming. I saw his parents again last night. Halloween woulda been our 1-year wedding anniversary.

This is so fucked up. Everything is so fucked up. How can all this even be true. "Chedda Boss" Ryan Dillard died last week. He ODed, they found him on his mom's couch. Doug's in the hospital with 2nd and 3rd degree burns over 1/3 of his body. He was in a fire last Wednesday, he's going in for another surgery today, skin grafting his right arm and maybe his left cheek. Our friend Brenden from NYC died last month. Chris is in prison until 8-28-2010. It seems like all my friends are dying or going to prison, or getting in horrible accidents. I feel like if Jay were here, he'd know what to do, everything would be OK. Maybe even all this shit wouldn't have happened. I heard that our favorite squats, the Batcave in NYC and Hellarity in SF are both being shut down. Go figure. Everything that was ever good or beautiful, that had passion and power to effect change is gone. After the hurricane, New Orleans was amazing but that's gone now. Drugs and crime are back.. everything just gets worse. The world's gotta be ending soon. I feel like I'm losing my mind. This cant be real. Somebody please wake me up.

So I'm sitting here at Red Emma's in Baltimore, MD and it rocks. I could live in this place. Just this store though, not anywhere else in Baltimore. It's like a weird Flint meets Mt. Clemens mix. Very Strange here. We got here yesterday by way of freigh train and then hitchhiking. Philly was fun, comme ci comme ca. If you're interested in more "punks face-off against cops" check out Pointless Fest 2006. Heh.

Anyway, I've got this weird feeling now. Especially after reading Eric's last entry. It's kinda like dissillusionment, sorta. It's almost impossible to have an open, honest conversation with someone nowadays. Especially on the street, everyone has an ulterior motive. Which isn't always bad, it's just not so fulfilling.

So tonight being a Friday night in a new city in a new state, I'm making it my goal to make a friend, have a deep conversation, maybe fall in love, do something to affirm my humanity and my potential for.. something. That feeling that doesn't have a word that I know of. Like the first night I met Al, the night before Eric and Jessyka and I went to Cali. When we didn't finish the movie and stayed up too late talking. I'm pretty sure we left the planet momentarily. Intensity. That might be the word I'm looking for.

One night in New York I had been drinkign and I went on a mission for the meaning of life. If I was panhandling, they coulda ticketed me for "agressive panhandling". But it was simply, "Escuse me, do you know the meaning of life, by any chance?" That was fun, and interesting, and ended up meeting some cool people. Maybe I'll do that again. <3

Yes I can't wait to leave New York. A friend died on Sunday from a heroin overdose. Obviously that means that the heroin must've been good, so half the stupid junkies were trying to find the dealer to buy the death-heroin, and the other half of the stupid junkies were trying to find the dealer to kill him for killing their friend.

He didn't really use heroin that much. I had no idea that he used. Maybe that's why he died, he had to tolerance. I still have never done it, despite the rumors, assholes.

In other news, the Hacker Conference over the weekend ROCKED and I got to see good friends from Chicago and Columbus and they rock and everything was bitchin!! Snuck up on the roof of the Hotel Pennsylvania and drink and watch the New York Skyline sunset. Snuck into the conference. And the awesome kids form Chicago brought me my laptop!! And someone on craigslist is supposed to give me a CD Rom drive so I can reformat and the damn thing will work again!

Just need to get ahold of Christina and Nolan for my wireless card, anybody know how to get ahold of them??

Hopefully we'll be in Baltimore by this weekend. Fuck New York.

I can barely keep my eyes open, but just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still alive. The heat will almost kill me today and tomorrow, but I plan on living in the library. Here in NYC it's 97 degrees and muggy, but on the street with all the cars and busses it feels like 104.

In other news, I turned 22 last Monday. Saturday my little sister turned 21. Also Saturday there was a HUGE free concert at Coney Island, the weather was beautiful and thousands of people filled the streets. We drank free pina colatas all day made $40 panhandling without even trying! The bands sucked but it was cool, because I can't remember the last time I saw a band that I didn't know most of the members.

I got a new phone number for voicemail, the old phone should be shut off soon. The new number is Bitsa19Folk. (phonespell.org) -or- 248-721-9365. Privatephone is awesome, thanks netzero!

The hacker conference, Hope6 is coming up this Friday and I'm so excited! I'm even learning C++ for it.

If you haven't yet read "Days of War, Nights of Love", you should.

Someone reccommend me a really good book to read, since I'm moving in to the library to avoid the heat.

Man. so that sucked. I fell asleep in the east-river park, NYC 2 nights ago with my fanny-pack on. When I woke up it was gone. The contents: digital camera (from eric), busted cell phone (also from eric), USB cord for the camera, rechargable batteries with battery charger, my INHALER for asthma, my LAST pair of contacts, my nail clippers, and Larry's address and Chris' adress in jail. Fuck. So we walked around blind for 2 hours having an asthma attack until we found a nice eye doctor who gave me a sample pair of contacts, almost my perscription...

In other news, NYC rocks. We are at ABC No Rio now, there's a badass Mexican Punk Rock concert going on downstairs. Last Saturday was Jay's birthday, we went to Coney island for the Mermaid Parade. It rained, but it was fun. Saturday night was the Suicide Girls party. Sunday was Gay Pride parade and it ROCKED! (All the pictures were stolen and probably sold for heroin). Then Monday we went to new Brunswick, NJ for the NJ State Fair, where Jay's brother is in the Freak Show! And hung out with the Freak Show kids, slept underneath the hanuted house on the fairgrounds. Tuesday, Jay's brother came up here to NYC and we showed him around, bought him yummy Mexican food and Sparks! And went to Mayday - the coolest anarchist infoshop ever.

So I hope everybody else is doing good, wanna go see the bands playing! I will be getting a new phoen number, for voicemail, set up soon. Love y'all, come visit NYC!!

Hey, don't have long. Just wanted to update, let y'all know that we made it to New York City! And I fucking hate it here... too much concrete and angry people and claustrophobia and shit. But NYC still rocks. There's a lot of good things going on around here, you just gotta find em!

So yeah, the end of July is gonna be awesome (big anarchist hacker con), as well as the 4th of July. Back in the big apple!

And fuck coal trains. I'm blacker than Tito Jackson and the coal trains don't take you ANYWHERE. Ride freight!

Is it just me? Or has Michigan been especially crazy and shitty this last week and a half... I've taken way too many idoits - i mean friends - to the hospital. DEMF was cool but I wish I coulda spent more time with more people. Two of my best friends got arrested and will probably do some serious time, along with another good friend of mine rotting in there.. A good friend came to see me at a kinda party house, and some dudes at the house kidnapped her and drove her to the dope spot, just so they could come back and kill my husband again.

I'm sick of drug addicts. I'm sick of punk rockers. Is it possible that an anarchist can exist out there without being either?? I might be the only one..

Anyway, we're finally leaving michigan Tomorrow!! I'll be in NYC soon, there's a computer at the drop-in, so myspace me or something: http://myspace.com/nappilyevrafer . Y'all should come to NYC this summer, especially the end of July.. It's gonna be the shit. I hope.

<3

Man I remember why I dont like michigan... Stuck at Beaumont yesterday. But anyway. We are here in Royal Oak! Staying down 4th street, just past Campbell, the corner of 4th and Eddison, with a friend Crazy Adam. Call his cell, 248-632-0160 and come hang out with me. We are going to have a beer-b-que today, hopefully! So hit me up, hope to see yall,,, wont be in town just a couple days after DEMF!

Woohoo, back in Michigan! It's weird, reading over my friends' page on LJ... everyone from MI seems so much more depressed that people in other areas of the country.. Weird.

We're in Ypsi now, we'll be back in Royal Oak area on Monday. Trying to find something out here to do tonight... But Happy Birthday Eric and I hope I can see you and everyone. Maybe we have a party sometime, before I leave again. Or hopefully I can see everyone at DEMF. Love y'all hope everything gets going good. Myspace events are silly. <3

Man so much to do today. Gotta clean the hell outta the van, play Urban Capture the Flag, then drive back to MI. We'll hopefully get to MI at like 6am tomorrow and sleep. Got breakfast at 10am with my family. Then dinner at 3pm with Jay's family. Man but cleaning the van is gonna suck. It's trashed, we have 3 broken windows, the ceiling is falling down (Anyone know how to FIX THAT!?) we haven't vacuumed in months, ugh I don't even wanna think about it.

Oh, and we gotta collect cans! We bring em back to Michigan and get money, yay.

In other news we got more pictures up, http://s35.photobucket.com/albums/d177/nappilyevrafter/

The MayDay album has to most recent pics. OK gotto soo see y'all soon!!